Live wisely in expanded awareness of the cosmos and number vibrations influencing your life. Hermetic wisdom, as above, so below, is where you will find your truth. ~ Sarrah West

UP the Mountain Saturn in Capricorn Return – Part One Cocosanne

*image painting by Cocosanne

Strong women are made through adversity, finding their own life path, or making their desires happen.  No one hands them a compass to their true North.  They burn the trail by trial and error, getting back up when they fall, and pushing ever forward toward with a steely resolve and with their heart set afire.  Cocosanne has blazed her path through many trials and found her voice after harsh lessons in her youth when to just shut up.  She learned that if she wanted something she had to go after it, no one was going to bring it to her.  Her tenacity is as bold as her vibrant auburn hair.  Born on February 22, 1990, in Hengelo, Netherlands, her life began with her initial inhale at 4:25 pm CET.  Cocosanne’s Sun at 3 degrees Pisces 44 minutes is located in her 7th house of partners, her Ascendant in Leo at 18 degrees 30 minutes and her Moon at 29 degrees Capricorn 12 minutes in the 6th house.  Right away we see Cocosanne’s Moon at the critical degree of Capricorn at the end of a Capricorn stellium with five other planets.  Her Capricorn stellium  begins at the end of her 5th house starting with Uranus at 8 degrees 32 minutes, then Neptune at 13 degrees 49 minutes just inside the 6th house cusp (Porphyry), Mars at 17 degrees 28 minutes, Saturn at 21 degrees 30 minutes (ruler of Capricorn) and Venus at 24 degrees 37 minutes and then her moon.  Mercury nearby in Aquarius at 15 degrees 20 minutes is conjunct her North Node at 16 degrees 28 minutes within 2 degrees to her Descendant, thus making her South Node conjunct her Ascendant at 16 degrees Leo 28 minutes.  Chiron sits in Cancer at 10 degrees 53 minutes retrograde opposite her natal Uranus in Capricorn and Neptune.  Our birth chart is the spark of the unfolding of our truth and who we are.  What will Cocosanne look like in full bloom?

We see the importance of Cocosanne’s sun placement as it rules her chart (Leo on the Ascendant) and her South Node.  Pluto in Scorpio is squaring her nodal axis highlighting the powerful transformation of her 4th house of family in the context of her identity (Ascendant / 1st house) as well as anyone Cocosanne bonds with in relationship (7th house).  Her sun is in watery Pisces in a trine aspect (actually about 117 degrees) with her natal Jupiter in Cancer retrograde at zero degree Cancer 48 minutes in her 11th house.  Black Moon Lilith mean sits at zero degrees 31 minutes retrograde of Scorpio, adding another dimension to Cocosanne’s identity, her family roots, and her relationships, within 2 degrees of her nadir. Pluto square the nodes from the 4th house is a critical step in her evolution.   Her roots, heritage, and family have a shadow experience in her consciousness that she is seeking resolve by finding her way and shaping her identity, yet it will be in her relationships that she will find the path to evolve on her own terms, as Aquarius is individualistic. Violence, abuse, scandal, betrayals, or trauma within Scorpio archetype are potentials this life and past lives.  Traditional values, family, and mother archetypes are under tension in her chart from her moon, nodes, Pluto, nodal rulers by house, and aspects with other planets.  Let’s break it down in sections to see the symbols with greater clarity before we stand back to look at them as a whole.

The South Node in Leo sitting on her Ascendant angle and the North Node opposite perched on the Descendant in Aquarius are symbolic of her life focus around identity, creative self-expression, and understanding her identity through relationships (within all areas of her life).  The struggle to overcome the challenges from her family of origin is a deep part of her forming her identity. Cocosanne’s soul is evolving through relationships with others, potentially with spiritual bonds or with partners. Some of these relationships will likely have issues with boundaries.  She may also find relationships through romantic idealism, escapism and in places where she loses her own sense of identity.  Essentially these relationships will throw her back to figure out who she is on her own terms.  She will learn through others what she is not and that will help her find her authentic self.

There is a strong connection to feminine energy with Cocosanne’s Sun and Jupiter in water signs. It’s easy to see why she identifies with women and feminine principles with such avidity. Her moon is immensely significant as we do not separate it from the nodal axis. Her moon in Capricorn in the 6th is symbolic of not being safe with her emotional body, potential moodiness, the possibility of serious health concerns (6th house), or the potential for depression.  Her duty driven responsible moon is likely to be a challenge in taking care of herself as it drives the urge for perfection at work and to a higher goal, a higher status.  The Moon is also a symbol for a person’s mother or other prominent woman in the life and would be problematic in Capricorn, acting somewhere as a mirror to this within herself.  It would possibly reflect an opposite point of view of the quality of nurturing.  She would not readily find nurturing in a mother figure directly and it may reflect in her life how she is in relationships with mother images and figures.

Ceres is another mother archetype. In the myth she causes famine in the land (when she brought winter) in her grief from her daughter’s abduction to the underworld by Hades (Pluto).  Ceres was capable of playing hardball, so to speak, with Hades and the gods had to respond to her drastic action when she ceased the growth of crops, indicating she had an immense amount of power as well.  From this myth we learn of the cycles of seasons, and in the end Persephone was returned to her mother Ceres (Demeter), but she had to return for a season to the underworld as well, since she ate a few seeds of the Pomegranate offered by Hades.  There’s an interesting understanding about the need to return to the underworld and to be replenished.  Cocosanne may find renewal as well in consciously stepping into the underworld and the shadow land of her psyche to remember deeper parts of herself that also need her love.  Ceres is located in Cocosanne’s 11th house at 22 degrees Gemini 12 minutes in an inconjunct aspect with her natal Saturn 21 degrees Capricorn 30 minutes.  An inconjunct is a disconnected aspect, not seen by each other and misunderstood, and it is out of balance and out of touch from each planet (150 degrees of separation).  Ceres also squares her sun and Vesta by sign.

Cocosanne’s natal Mercury is important here, ruling Ceres in Gemini and Mercury, and it is conjunct the North Node within a degree located in the 6th house of illness, work, daily routines and habits, yet it is only a few degrees from her Descendant (opposite Ascendant).  Learning about other’s perceptions and thinking can guide her in becoming more attuned to her North Node in Aquarius.  Her friends on the edge of society have much to offer her deep perceptions that can influence change that helps her release the old perspectives.  I wondered whether the collective mother archetype of Ceres that is within Cocosanne’s consciousness is out of balance with the structures that hold Cocosanne’s well-being.  Is there something in her nutrition (Ceres) that inhibits Cocosanne’s health?  The position of Ceres in her natal chart at an inconjunct does make me wonder what the health situation is for Cocosanne.  Her Ascendant is in Leo and her Sun the ruler of Leo is within her 7th house (opposite the first house) and in the sign of Pisces.  From a vitality perspective she has a chart that shows the risk of losing vital energy from her solar source, depending on the company she keeps and relationships that could strain her energy system. Negative people would be costly to Cocosanne’s health.

During her reading Cocosanne shared not only her challenging relationship with her parents, especially her mother, but also the health challenges she’s experienced with her high sensitivity to many allergens. Some of the most powerful influences in her life are her relationships and those she invites into her close personal space, as they will have the greatest impact on her well-being and shaping her identity.   Her relationships will have a flow that connects with her imagination and spirituality if the person or people are operating from a positive focus and intention.  In some partnerships she may lose all sense of herself, too.  Relationships are also a place of escape that may be unconscious at first and could grow in her awareness as she matures.  One of her soul’s intentions in this life is figuring out herself and her identity through these relationships and connections and defining boundaries between herself and others.   The right partners in her life will make all the difference in her worldly experience.

Cocosanne’s moon is six signs away from her Ascendant and first house angle and will be part of her evolution and growth and her understanding the unconscious mind that influences her emotional being, her moods, and her perceptions of other people’s emotions as well.   Neptune in Capricorn is opposite Chiron in Cancer and is symbolic of confusion or distortion of perspective of the wound related to family and the mother archetype.  The archetype of authority (Capricorn) is deeply polarized in her consciousness with the mother archetype and the wound of self nurturing and security.  Jupiter in Cancer does assist her in this process, though retrograde at birth, and will help her make connections with groups collectively aligned with her values.  Her friends are part of her coming to a higher truth for her Aquarian North Node (right on her 7th house cusp).  How are platonic friendships healing for her in this life experience?  Where does she feel connected and most alive?  Cocosanne shared that she really feels connected with women in feminine, earthy relationships, like a long-lost sisterhood connection.  She feels homesick for a world of tribes and living close to nature. Those who are close to the earth and close to their feminine power and wisdom seem to reach beyond the patriarchy that began changing our world over four thousand years ago.  She is painfully aware of experiences in her young life with patterns of abuse and the disempowerment of women.  Over time and with self-determination she’s done things for herself, such as going to art school, which has shaped her into who she is today as she moves through this ever important maturity cycle of her Saturn return.

Cocosanne’s Sun in Pisces, Jupiter in Cancer and BML in Scorpio are in a trine and is the element she feels most comfortable with in her experience.  As Cocosanne studies astrology, tarot, and mythology, she’ll gain a deeper insight into her feminine shadow that offers deeper healing as she works with the wounds that she’s encountered in life.  Forgiveness will be something she may work with to release old blocks that have inhibited her growth and freedom from old paradigms. The trials we experience with feminine wounds of dis-empowerment, violence related to women’s issues, and the relationships with our bodies, are negative experiences and memories held in the unconscious mind that evolve as we deal with patriarchy beliefs on a global level (currently in their death throes as higher consciousness continues to rise on earth). Cocosanne’s Capricorn stellium in her 6th house is a discordant symbol with all that she recognizes in herself as a woman and the water feminine element.  She’s yet to see herself wholly with the Capricorn stellium as part of this personal authority within.  It is like a tug of war within her that actually plays out for her throughout her body (Moon) and relates to her struggles with nutrition (Capricorn Saturn and Mars in Capricorn in the 6th house).

We chatted about her endocrine system, the electro-chemical part of our body, being a bit overwhelmed too.  The Endocrine system in our body is within the Aquarius archetype.  Mercury in Aquarius in the 6th house square Pluto in Scorpio also shows symbolism to having this kind of chaotic or overwhelming sensation with energy in Cocosanne’s environment.  She has a high sensitivity for just being, just existing.   Learning to come to terms with structure and learning all she can about her environment is imperative; her essence water is taking shape in form and the question is who determines what shape it will take.  I recall a brilliant quote from martial arts guru Bruce Lee, who once said, Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

We often hear that quote without the first two sentences, but I think it’s important to get the entire beauty of what he was revealing!  Cocosanne will need to operate in her empowered conscious state so she can manage her form or formlessness (how her water takes shape) with those operating from an unconscious place, because it can deplete her energy if she doesn’t stay in that awareness.  Discerning who to let into her private space is immensely important. Studying astrology, metaphysics, and practicing yoga, meditation and water therapy (float) are useful for Cocosanne in her journey as a human.  These tools help her understand herself more intimately, especially the parts below the surface and in her blind-spots, through the symbolism found in her natal chart, also called her native promise, and through the transits and cycles she will spiral through in her evolution.  She intends to move from an ego-driven persona with a more decentralized focus into her soul and to being part of something much more significant and grand that is part of the human collective evolution story.  Her inner compass will invite her to edgy, non-traditional experiences with others as she evolves in the arc of her life with her North Node in Aquarius.  She may gather insights into her soul’s growth arc when looking deeply into her nodal oppositions and nodal returns.  The experiences during those times will offer her clues and clarity.  Leo’s energy comes easily, which she has experienced before in this incarnation; she knows it well and it will be something she brings to the world as part of this life, too, as she unfolds and blooms in her own individuation.   Cocosanne’s art that reflects her inner world and the mother images she paints and draws are channels for healing the parts of her perceptions, thoughts, and feelings that are connected to the mother in her.  It truly goes deeper than just this life experience with her mother in this life.  Rather, this life is revealing these experiences to her in a way to get to the deepest wounds, and greatest sorrows that are still held in her unconscious memories, about her own inner mother and her feeling disconnected from her own nurturing.  She may ponder the question of when she first experienced this wound related to the mother.  We can explore it from this life’s experiences; timing of certain events will help unlock some related mysteries and provide deeper insight, which will eventually move her to a greater wisdom of Self.

The father archetype is also out of balance in her experience, though it was mentioned less in her sharing and is also not the subject of her multiple art pieces (at least not yet).  Cocosanne’s personal daily habits, work, and a deep understanding of her nutritional needs are important for her to master her Capricorn.  Saturn demands she work diligently in this area for herself but also for others in some service capacity (6th house).  What she finds for her own healthy being in a challenging environment may be quite beneficial to many others. It most likely will be something that is non-traditional (Uranus in Capricorn and Aquarius North Node) and will bring her a breakthrough, although the symbolism of Uranus in Capricorn could show up as a breakdown to get to something not easily seen or recognized as a problem.   Her soul could also be evolving through these health struggles and how she responds to environment influences and perceptions, and through time (Capricorn / Saturn) she will begin to see the connection to her health. The symbolism fits this scenario as well.

In exploring Cocosanne’s Solar Arcs of her life to date we see that Uranus = Neptune around age five.  Here she notes difficult health concerns first showing up. She also had Chiron opposite her natal Neptune at two years old.  We both pondered that moment in her life and wondered about the potential of toxicity from vaccines that she received as a toddler at that age and how that may have complicated her health, especially as it relates to sensitivity to allergens. We could conclude that this was actually the case, but we saw the potential in the symbolism.   At age 13 her Uranus via Solar Arc met her natal Saturn and her parents’ divorced, which was violent and aggressive in nature.  It was a period of time she was separated from her mother and lived with her father and connected with another mother figure through her father’s relationships.  Every time she had a mother figure come into her life, she was separated from each mother in some capacity.   These experiences led her to be inspired to paint the mother figures, i.e., the Mother, the Madonna, and the Black Madonna to convey her suffering, and pain.  Cocosanne meditates to find solace but her pain is deep related to mothers and nurturing thus it is an ongoing healing process.

Cocosanne also revealed that when she was born she was put in an incubator for two weeks and she believes this was very traumatic for her early life and damaged the bond with her mother.  Her mother and father were also fighting when she was born, further complicating the bonding moment.  She had croup as well and coughed a lot as a baby.  I wondered who was taking care of her when her mother and father were fighting.  I also wondered about her nurses that cared for her and how that was received in her early subconscious.  Her grandmother cared for her for four years, but then she died from cancer of the bladder, which once again punctuated the separation from a mother figure who nurtured her early on in her life.  She felt acutely vulnerable, with a lack of connection with her own mother and her grandmother’s death leaving an incredible loss in her experience.  Another interesting Solar Arc is when her Uranus met up with her natal Moon in Capricorn at age 22. At this time in her life Cocosanne had a big fight with her mother and cut the ties with her.  Her relationship with her mother got really bad at age 22-23, and she had difficult realities manifest in her life.  Cocosanne was curious during our reading about what her mother experienced when Cocosanne was in her mother’s womb, which is an interesting question and worthy of exploration, since the mother’s consciousness when carrying a child is transferred to the child.  She’s learned more about nurturing another (she’s had a dog) and caring for her boyfriend.  These relationships help reflect back and empower her to care for herself too. Yoga is also a practice she does for her body and it nurtures her physical embodiment.  She feels accomplished having completed and graduated from art school all on her own.  She also is grateful she learned about nutrition from her second mother figure, so she can cook and look after herself as an adult.  Even though reality has been harsh, she has learned that she can do it. She is driven, resourceful, and creative.

As her Saturn return started when Saturn entered Capricorn in December 2017, she has had some big changes, including an end of a relationship and then a big move.  Life has settled down after that but it’s just the beginning of her Saturn return in Capricorn–more to come in the next year.  Health may be a focus for her while Mars in Aquarius squares Uranus in Taurus in transit. Mars will transit over her moon three times when Mars leaves Capricorn as it goes into Aquarius then back again in the retrograde period and then forward again for a final hit.  This transit may not be health centered, but it could stir up emotions from the triggering effect of Mars.  On April 29, 2019, Saturn will station retrograde at 20 degrees Capricorn 31 minutes (within one degree of her natal Saturn) as well as the transiting South Node will conjunct the transiting Saturn.  This will be an intense moment relative to her Saturn return story.  What will be her experience with personal authority, work, or health?  Is a relationship key to the experience of her maturing to the next level in becoming an adult woman?  Cocosanne has been shedding relationships and places she lives and now is in a new home and creating something new for herself.  Life is opening up in new ways that she could not and did not see in the beginning of December 2017. Her life is changing dynamically from where she was and how she was somewhat in survival mode before these changes.  She feels this is a positive new direction for her mind, body, and soul.  Her coming Saturn return next year will be ever more insightful in how Cocosanne grows into her adult life.  I’m grateful to share her Saturn return story and be a witness to her unfolding new world.