Live wisely in expanded awareness of the cosmos and number vibrations influencing your life. Hermetic wisdom, as above, so below, is where you will find your truth. ~ Sarrah West

UP the Mountain Saturn Return in Capricorn – Part One Paworn

Virginia Woolf once said, “Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.”  I thought of Paworn when I read this quote.  Not everyone has a life situation that has idleness woven into the daily routine where creativity can spontaneously emerge, but sometimes a person has this life, yet one may realize trouble can spring from idleness too; it is a precarious balance to be creative but not too destructive. Paworn was born in Bangkok, Thailand at 8:09 in the morning on April 17th, 1990.   A vibrant Aries Sun was rising at 26 degrees 46 minutes, yet just within a minute inside the 12th house cusp is Paworn’s solar energy; her sun is in a tight square with Saturn in Capricorn 25 degrees 4 minutes, just inside the 9th house, which is important in her Saturn return cycle. Gemini was the sign rising on the eastern horizon setting her Ascendant.

Paworn’s lunar nodes tell us more about her life and where her life is significantly influenced.  For Paworn the south node in Leo is in her 3rd house, highlighting siblings, communications, perceptions and her close relatives and her community.  With Sun ruling her South Node, her solar energy gives insight to where Paworn is evolving as a soul, especially with respect to the arc of life from Leo to Aquarius consciousness.  Her Sun in Aries in the 12th house brings awareness to a warrior or pioneering persona, and yet it is within the 12th house, as if dampened by something that blocks the fullest expression out in the world.  This is a hidden house from the world and from the self; the12th symbolizes the unconscious mind and the collective.

How Paworn expresses herself in public may look very different to others in private.  She may be held back or held to a standard through her father’s expectation of her or the traditional values of her culture. Sun in the 12th is bringing light to this hidden space.  North Node in Aquarius is located in her 9th house of speaking to her beliefs, her higher education, and even her potential for foreign travel.  Her North Node in Aquarius is ruled by Uranus’ modern view and Saturn’s traditional.  Saturn is in the 9th house in Capricorn for Paworn so there’s a traditional view in her experience, but also her father is possibly connected to international travel in his work, with both Saturn and the North Node in the 9th house.  This is a double consideration about higher education as well as her father’s potential importance for her belief system.  Uranus is located in her 8th house and is retrograde at 9 degrees 35 minutes; modern ruler of her North Node is bringing another “hidden” house into focus in her evolution.  There’s potential for breakthroughs and breakdowns that may be related to death and even acts of rebelliousness related to the values held by her family. There are multiple ways we can observe the symbolism with Uranus in the eighth, even sudden a-ha moments related to studying occult or shifts in the identity with her family, as Chiron in Cancer sits opposite Uranus in her natal chart. Surprising shifts that can indicate traumatic experiences are a possibility here.  Mark Jones writes in his book Healing the Soul:

“The Aquarian archetype symbolizes the greater potential within us, the inner butterfly struggling to awaken from the cocoon of our conditioned world. As there is but one life (or one taste as the Buddhists say) and we are all points of view within one overall field of consciousness, then Uranus is the electrical connection to the larger reality and potential for our lives.  On a universal level this knowing field can be seen as the symbol of the entire Zodiac, of all the potentials of consciousness.  On the personal level the Uranian fire, through memory and flashes of insight, leads us into our own butterfly effect. In this sense Uranus is electrical potential within the higher mind of the individual that sets the frequency or tone for the type of life experiences and their understanding (rather like the selection of a radio frequency to a particular type of program).  Traumas manifest to the extent that past experience blocked the range of frequencies allowed by the person.” *p.217

Death and rebirth, secrets, hidden information, taxes and taboo subjects, and other people’s resources or values are part of Paworn’s North Node in Aquarius evolution. Her soul is seeking higher understanding, and higher education to evolve her experience with faith and truth. Evolution will come to her on her own terms (Aquarius), and it may involve healing something within relation to her family (Chiron in Cancer opposite Uranus in Capricorn).

The South Node in Leo which is ruled by the Sun is also a fire element like her Sun in Aries. How Paworn expresses herself externally has shaped and defined the way she looks at herself internally. However she continues to discover how she’s perceived by others, which adds to a deeper self awareness. Mars the ruler of Aries is high in the chart in the sign of Aquarius and is the ruler of her Sun. Mars rules her 12th house as well.  Mars is wide in aspect to the North Node with a 14 degree of separation, not near enough to be a conjunction consideration, but it does weigh in on Paworn’s evolution merely by its 10th house position in an angular house.   Mars is the most elevated planet in Paworn’s chart too, and will be quite significant in her life as she matures.   With such an elevated Mars in her chart it seems contrary to the theme of idleness that Paworn has experienced thus far in her life.

Pluto is square the lunar nodes from Scorpio in her 6th house, indicating possible health issues (or a co-worker’s issues) that may be challenging, or a challenge to how she prepares for a career and higher education.  The latter seems more likely, but more is yet to be illuminated by her experience.  Pluto in the 6th may reflect a soul’s feeling around unworthiness, yet the sign of Scorpio may be more indicative of soul memory that was deeply traumatized around disease or even death from its 6th house position.  Pluto is at 16 degrees 57 minutes retrograde in her chart and about 3 ½ degrees from a perfect square to the nodes.  Pluto is symbolic of regeneration, so this may also have a quality of significant rebirth in this area of her life with the traditional ruler of Scorpio.  Mars in Aquarius is square by sign to Scorpio and widely to Pluto just over 10 degrees, so it may prove to bring more challenges to her reality when activated by transits in her maturity post-Saturn return.  Pluto may also symbolize an experience in a past life that would have immobilized her from an illness that may have had her in solitude often that limited her growth.  One possibility to consider in her evolution, this time her soul’s seeking to breakthrough to heal emotional wounds from that kind of experience. A deeply traumatic experience would’ve influenced her perception, her feelings, and her thoughts tied to her beliefs on life.  Some souls acquire “heavy baggage” in the space of loss and may feel completely disconnected from a divine creator or life supporting universe (however you look at it) due to deep trauma from such dark experience.  It can take more than a lifetime to heal through different experiences and to find new ways to approach self individuation within such depths of the soul. Deep grief and sorrow may be buried in the unconscious mind that inhibits Paworn’s active will in the world (Sun in Aries in 12th), and yet Mars in Aquarius in the 10thmay get involved in a way that is active about a cause that matters to her deeply, and sometimes this can channel buried anger.  Another view is Mars in Aquarius is the individual fighting for their way to do life, but this “fight” may be unleashed when life has turned upside down in some traumatic experience.  Paworn may be required to reach deep to be brave in her life related to her public persona and her career at some time in her life.  Additionally, the soul may be struggling at the deepest levels with fear and it wants to move beyond it this time. Pluto in the 6th is not visible to the 1st house of the individual, but it may show up in life’s routine and or even in work (6th house). There is an aversion to serious work acknowledged; one question to ponder is why.  Maybe that is a worthy inner work project towards her individuation.

Mercury, the planet that rules not only our communications but also our perceptions and thinking, is in the sign of Taurus, where it is slower and more methodical. Mercury in Taurus is also possibly felt in the body and maybe affects the voice in some manner that causes one to take a bit longer to get one’s point across to others. Paworn acknowledges her Mercury as a savior in her life.  She notes that she copes with life in a mercurial way.  One thing she notices about her Mercury is having conversations with herself when needing to make sense of something in the world.  Mercury deep in the 12th house also is another signature in Paworn’s chart for the unconscious mind and how she receives input from the world. It’s her gold in putting her experiences and feelings into words that she deems the best defense against insanity.  Perhaps we can glimpse an understanding her selecting literature as her studies at university.  Mercury in Taurus for her has a way of simplifying and brings structure to her wild thoughts allowing easier communications with others. Her reputation is that of an intelligent person; note Mercury rules her 1st house of self identity and vitality and her 5th house with Virgo, creative self expression.  It’s easier to see how Mercury works for Paworn in her sharing her experiences.  As a 12th house planet it may be more challenging for others to immediately see her Mercury, and they would need to get to know Paworn as a person and what she reveals to others.  The challenge as it relates to being square the nodes seems to relate to work.  As Paworn says “It’s my aversion to serious work, rather than my lack of intellectual abilities, that stopped me. Or maybe that’s my Mercury ‘trouble,’ Mercury rules the 6th house of work traditionally, and I just won’t work.”  At the moment there is zero pressure for serious work with her current lifestyle, but as anything in life, that can change and Paworn may have to come to terms with her aversion for work if life changes require a dramatic action on her part.

Mercury as another skipped step for her evolution, square the nodes, is part of this life’s evolution path. Fear is another experience that Paworn may have with her Mercury opposite Pluto in Scorpio. She shared that she has been told by others find her scary and she wonders if that comes as part of this signature.  Paworn notes that fear rarely comes alone, that it’s almost always accompanied by an attraction or an interest.  She acknowledges that she has loved dark and morbid things and its reflected in her affinity for Gothic style and bad horror movies. She also enjoys having her mind take her to fearful places.  She feels rather at home in her mind where it’s a little dark and frightening.  She doesn’t feel bound by fear. She does wonder if her Mars in the 10th has the effect showing up to others with a bit of scariness, she does not intentionally act to scare others, it’s a perception that comes through she’s observed. Her degree in literature is a reflection of her evolving Mercury (via the 9th house, resolution node is the North Node in Aquarius)! There’s an interesting balancing act between Paworn’s unconscious mind and the nebulous symbolism of Neptune in Capricorn conjunct her Moon too.  Mercury as part of her evolution is learning, understanding her intellect and the persona of intelligence, and calming and centering herself with words.  It also reflects critical thoughts, fear in the mind, and how language impacts one’s feeling or disconnection to their own feelings and emotions.  Another layer to peel here on Paworn’s Mercury square the nodal axis  and her evolution is how that also relates to self-security and how she nurtures herself when she’s an area   that she lacks such experience.  One can see the threads connecting Mercury, Pluto, the Moon, and even Neptune in her evolution and intention.

Venus in Pisces in the 10th is a strong symbol for a gift either in artist pursuits or in love that may be tied to spirituality in some way.  Paworn is definitely showing her talent in art. Her Venus is always visible to others, so she may find herself frustrated by her sensitive nature being so visible.  In America we have a saying for such visible love or emotional sensitivity; we would say that a person is “wearing her heart on her sleeve.” Maybe in Thailand they have a similar saying.

Jupiter in Cancer and Chiron in Cancer are symbolic of family (and her mother potentially too), as well as self-identity or security in her 2nd house of values. What she values is highlighted via the 2nd house ruler and planets placed here. Yet there is a wound evident here with Chiron’s placement, and a shocking one with it being opposite Uranus probably indicates that emotional trauma exists in her deep soul memory related to family, likely a death (2nd/8th houses) and personal and other’s resources in the storyline.  There’s a shock in her chart around these themes with Uranus so tightly in an opposition to natal Chiron. Jupiter in Cancer symbolizes the high value areas where she is expanding her life and the connection she has with her immediate family (Cancer ruled by the Moon) along with the comfort of the shared resources she experiences (Jupiter is exalted in the sign of Cancer in traditional astrology).  However, her Moon in Capricorn has a seriousness to its expression (and the traditional perspective is that the moon is in detriment), so there will be areas of growth, especially in the emotional body.  Part of this is played out in the relationship with her mother, but it is also her moon that describes this part of herself.  Notice that Cancer is the sign on the cusp of the third house.  There is an additional insight here within the sign of Cancer in her chart relating to the emotional body, self-identity, self-nurturing, and connecting with her brother.  When speaking with Paworn she revealed that she was a bit tough on her brother, and she admits that she picked on him quite a bit in their childhood.  I wondered whether through this self awareness she was getting insight into her Mercury (skipped step) and her Moon in Capricorn ruling the 3rd, the treatment of her mother also influences her treatment of her brother, almost like ripple of cause and effect.  It may be good to do some digging into her family’s pattern of behavior, mood, and critical communications; she may uncover a pattern that she is living and repeating and only in awareness can she turn the dial and create something new.

Paworn’s Moon in Capricorn at 12 degrees 34 minutes is nestled between Uranus at 9 degrees 35 minutes retrograde and Neptune at 14 degrees 34 minutes retrograde in Capricorn. She shared that her relationship with her mother is reflected in this combination and that her mother’s moods are often challenging in some ways, but this combination is also something that Paworn feels forces her to relate in a mature manner with her mother for simple livability, given her experience living at home.  As a Thai, Paworn will live at home and may not leave the home unless she decides to get married one day. Her current situation allows for greater idleness than if she lived out on her own or shared an apartment, as may be done in other countries. Paworn has a blend of thoughts and perceptions as an Aquarian intellectual individualist living with traditional rules and standards as part of her family. There are life events that will shape more of Paworn as an individual and as she matures past her Saturn return and again when she reaches her Uranus opposition in her late thirties.  Many people find life’s big shift happens during that period of time, thus the infamous label as the “midlife crisis.”

With Mars high in her chart, Paworn’s Mars in Aquarius is significant as she matures in adulthood.  Opposite to her South Node, she may have experienced some violence or heavy conflict with another.  She may have judged or been judged herself against individuals that are more educated or, to the contrary, less educated.  Paworn acknowledged in our conversation that she is seen as an intelligent person and is known for this among her professors at university.  So we can see how this combination is working within her chart with her observation.  Paworn feels that those who are not educated potentially put the rest of a community at risk due to their lack of intelligence.  She does see that she is growing to accept all souls for who they are at no matter where they might fall in the spectrum of higher education and intelligence, but it has been a learning process.  She may have had experiences in a past life related to having good information when needed and how that influenced her public reputation (10th house Mars in Aquarius).  In this experience the story did not likely go well for her (Mars opposite South Node) and she’s learning more on this theme. She was possibly imprisoned for speaking her voice on some matter (Mars rules 12th house Sun).  Fixed signs are steady for a reason, but with that stability there’s stubbornness and difficulty to change a behavior pattern.  It will take a lot of focus to make a real change.

She does have a Cardinal Sun in Aries as well as Moon, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune in Capricorn that are strong indicators for manifesting change in her life, and yet the influence for this change may come from an indirect source while viewing others’ values.  She is on a mission for growth through higher learning, and education is an important part of this undertaking.  When grounded she is her best self in the world (Capricorn Moon and Saturn). Paworn has studied and achieved her degree at university in literature, and now we see her Saturn in Capricorn more visible and influencing the traditional selection for her major in her studies.

Neptune is actually more powerful than one can first tell when viewing Paworn’s chart.  Neptune at 14 degrees 34 minutes had just stationed direct one day prior to her birth and is then intensifying the Neptune (Piscean) archetype in the sign of Capricorn and influencing the relationship with family and mother (Moon) and the houses they rule (3rd and 11th).  Neptune in Capricorn would carry a lot of weight in her experience with 8th house themes; it may come in the form of disillusionment, maybe an urge for escape, and perhaps another 8th house theme – idleness.  It’s strongly indicating isolation or a disconnection or confusing connection to her emotional body.  It may indicate the potential for escaping through addiction of any sort, including binging on TV shows, Smartphone use or social media, or food or substances.  Addiction comes in many forms and this would be something she may not immediately connect with as part of her isolation. She would need to make a conscious effort to get to know her feelings and then determine which emotions were connected.  Paworn noted in our reading that she tried to figure it all out when it was so confusing in her adolescence, but now she feels better about herself as a person. Later on in her Saturn return next year, as Saturn transits over her natal Neptune but before it reaches her natal Saturn, she will gain insight into her Neptune and her personal experience.  When she experiences her transit with the symbols illuminated from her exploration, she will gain increasing clarity on this natal planet in Capricorn.  Paworn would get gain valuable information on her Neptune if she took it upon herself to explore other transits to this degree in her chart through the years, such as from Jupiter, Mars, Venus, and even Sun conjunct.  By reviewing events she is able to recall two weeks before and after each event a deeper understanding of Neptune’s archetype at play within her would reveal how she connects and engages this part of herself with boundless Neptune.

Paworn’s 11th house is where Neptune rules (modern rulership) and this is indeed where she has experienced disillusionment the most.  Being in solitude and away from friends may be great for her art, but it has challenged her ability to make connections.  She feels she has profound access to her imagination and the unseen energy of the world rather than other people. Imagination is a gift for an artist, yet, conversely, it may present a challenge for some social bonds. When we view Paworn’s 5th house we see the sign of Virgo.  With the ruler Mercury also in an Earth sign, the creative works she gives focus to will be important to achieving her grounded self.  Mercury, of course, and as noted earlier, rules her 1st house Gemini Ascendant.  Playing, imagination, and creative work are important for her as an anchor for how she projects herself into the world.  Though she may be isolated, she may see that isolation as a gift within the bigger picture of her evolution. Each of us will traverse our own path in our unique ways of expression.  Paworn’s art can be another path for her Aquarius North Node where she finds her personal truth.   Paworn shares that, in fact, her art is a rather selfish expression, i.e., the place she gets to be self-indulgent and where she gets to be dark and destructive at times. That, too, is Aquarian, playing by her own rules.  Paworn says, “It’s an amoral space, and any political message is accidental rather than intentional. It’s important my art stays this way, because as soon as moral or political obligations touch it, it dies.”

Paworn is presently a freelancer working from home as projects come to her.  Her life has an immense amount of idleness that she uses to allow inspiration to strike her in any moment and bring something to life from her imagination.  She’s learning from her friends, which she lovingly calls weirdoes, for they are an Aquarian bunch.  During her Saturn return Paworn will come to a deeper understanding of her relationships that are significant bonds, those who know her best, such as her mother, family, brother, and her close friends.  She may even learn more about her family history which has the Uranian impulse of instability from some event that may have occurred when she was around two years old.  Maybe it was an experience her mother had or maybe it was something experienced by the entire family and she has yet to learn of it and how it may have influenced her self-identity that lies beneath the surface in her consciousness.  She feels that her mother and father are guides on the path of life rather than parents.  She describes her dad as more laissez-faire and trusts that everything will be okay and in a way that contributes to her idleness and 12th house Sun.  Her brother is having another experience entirely where there is a lot of expectation placed upon him, and this seems to be a reflection of her culture. She’s getting to observe the difference between her experience and her brother’s in the same family dynamic.  Paworn recognizes that sometimes we learn from the opposite view point that shapes us and our personality. There are significant soul contracts for Paworn with her family of origin in this life to bring forth a new understanding of the family dynamic.  Each significant family member, i.e., father, mother and brother, are very important for Paworn to evolve and become an individual in her own right, which she sees when she pushes against the mold of the traditions shared with her since birth.   Her version of herself will have a tad bit of weirdo truth from personal experience as an Aquarian North Node seeks to be illuminated in such ways.  How challenging is it to look at family relationships and offer heart-felt gratitude for what it played in our own evolution?  It may be the question that Paworn will be pondering in her post Saturn return.